This post has nothing to do with my mom’s cancer and everything to do with the fact that the Cleveland Indians are playing in game 1 of the World Series tonight. 

• In the 90s my siblings and I would go decked out to the game. Lex and I rocked chief wahoo earrings and all 3 of us wore tattoos
• For some games we were lucky enough to sit behind home plate with dad
• At Ground Round they would serve ice cream in bowls shaped like miny batting helmets with Chief Wahoo on the front. I would put it on Fluffy while I watched the games (my most cherished possession, a rabbit puffalump)
• There was one time when my parents decided to surprise us and take us to a game. We met up with my Aunt and Uncle and we all sat in the bleachers. At one point I thought everyone around me was booing. Turned out they were all just saying Juuuuliooooo
• I remember two specific times when my dad and I just went to the game. One time we were in nosebleed seats and my dad bought me cracker jacks. The other we were sitting under an overhang and surrounded by family members of the opposing team
• My grandma, papa, dad, uncle and I all went on a tour of Jacob’s Field. During this tour my dad let me hold the camera and I learned a valuable lesson. Film can’t be exposed to light. I played with the back of the camera and ruined all of our vacation photos from Hilton Head that year
• Whenever the game was on at my grandparent’s there wasn’t any sound because my grandma didn’t like listening to the announcers
• My dad and I went to a lunch with a select number of Indians players. It included Coco Crisp. And my dad had a brief talk with Eric Wedge
• My favorite player of all time was Sandy Alomar
• I attended an ALDS playoff game in 97′. I remember Sandy Alomar hit a home run and I caught a silver streamer at the end of the game. I think it’s still in a box under my bed at my parents
• I remember two distinct things my Grandma Dar said one of the last times I saw her before she died. One was that my grandpa met a very nice young man at my parents house (she was referring to my then boyfriend who is now my husband). The other thing was her watching tv and talking about CC Sabathia leaving the Indians and going to the Yankees

So there is my walk down memory lane with the Cleveland Indians. The Indians will always make me think of my Grandma Dar and time well spent with my dad. Go Tribe!

Four months ago today I got a text from my mom saying her gastroenterologist was sending her to the ER for a CT scan. Four months ago today I sat on a hospital bed and my mom told my brother and I she had ovarian cancer. Four months ago today my sister and I got trapped in the service elevator when we tried to go outside to call our husbands and then it was 9pm when we came back in and we needed an ID to get back in and our IDs were in our mom’s hospital room. Four months ago today our lives changed forever. So what have we done in those four months. Taken advantage of every damn second we can. We have gone to  the drive in, out to dinner, volleyball games, and the pumpkin patch. We have over analyzed every scenario of how this could play out. We have sat in waiting rooms together and cried together and said horribly morbid things together. We have laughed at the horribly morbid things we have said. We have watched Harry Potter and the band and sat in the sunroom on a nice day. And as the holidays approach and so does chemo we will continue to be together.

What’s next (said in the voice of President Bartlet)….more chemo. Yesterday she met with her doctor and got a chemo start date…week of October 31st. She has 6 more blood clot shots left. And it will either be 3 or 6 cycles of chemo. So either 9 or 18 weeks.  Because the holiday season is approaching she will be going through chemo during that time. And the doctor said something interesting that next Christmas she should be feeling much better. And while nobody can predict the future it was very nice to hear that he thinks that she has a NEXT….

Last night my phone rang and it was my mom.  She saw a post on Facebook about a child abductor and she wanted to remind me to make sure all my windows and doors were locked.  She sounded like herself and I forgot.  I forgot about the cancer and the surgery. And it’s funny because earlier that day I saw that very post and I thought mom is going to worry when she sees this. And I guess I’m just so thankful to still get those phone calls.  The worried mom calls and I guess I just really appreciate the small things like this.

And I haven’t wanted to write anything lately. Probably because I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I didn’t know what I wanted to share. Life after surgery is….I don’t know. I’m praying a lot I guess. I pray at night that she gets a glimpse of a good day. I hold onto the things like she was able to go on a walk or maybe eat a bit more. I hold onto the fact that she no longer has those nasty masses in her. I hold onto the fact that she is still healing and went through a major surgery so the healing process is going to take a while. And I guess now I hold onto that I can still get a phone call reminding me to lock my windows and doors.

Julian spent 4 days in the special care unit when he was born. When the hospital finally said we could take him home my husband and I looked at each and thought  like most new parents: 1) I can’t believe they’re letting us take him home and 2) what do we do now? 

I felt a similar feeling today and I think the feeling was somewhat mutual between the 5 of us. My mom got the all clear to go home today and while she is a strong grown woman it still made us all a bit nervous. She had been in the hospital for 5 days if you count surgery day. And for those 5 days her vitals have been checked and she has been monitored during that time. She was suppose to be in the hospital for about 7, so it was a big shock when they said she would be discharged today. 

So while it is absolutely wonderful she got to go home today it’s still a bit scary. None of us are in the medical field and there was a list of things to keep an eye out for that would require a phone call and blood clot shots. So as always we will just take it one day at a time and today she went home.