Going Over Everything 

I keep replaying the words “I got it all” in my head. And then “Your scan should be clear”. And then “Two small spots”. And yet there is one small spot and another about the size of a quarter. Was the one the size of a quarter missed during surgery? Is it a new tumor? Is it the initial tumor that was next to her colon? That’s the way the CT reads to us. We have looked at the numbers and if in fact it’s the same tumor it has shrunk with chemo but not nearly enough. The goal of her surgery in September was to leave no visible tumors and just microscopic cells. And then we would take this magical journey killing the cells and that would be that. So does she have another surgery to remove this quarter? We don’t know. We know she’s doing this chemo routine and that’s about it. Knowing the size of this tumor is a punch to the gut. Not knowing how we are getting rid of it is scary. In my mind let’s just put her in the OR and laser that sucker out and bye bye cancer. Maybe it’s that simple. Maybe it’s not. I have no idea. So what are we going to do. Well analyze the situation to death and then try to go about our life. Julian turns 3 in one week and we are going to celebrate that boy with cake and balloons and presents. 

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