My mind is somewhere else and it probably will be this entire week. It’s torn between what my mom’s test results will be and remembering to get eggs to make cupcakes for Julian’s birthday.
I’ve developed a coping mechanism over the past couple years. I’m not really sure if it’s actually a coping mechanism or just an attempt at avoidance.
When my mom was first diagnosed my fears were always at the front of my mind. I would sit on the bathroom floor every night and just cry. Eventually this subsided.
These days I’m almost able to stick my fears in a box and focus on what we have. What we have been blessed with and not what we stand to lose. I’m sure this has come with time, therapy and medication. But on weeks like this I allow myself to open the box. I allow myself to feel my fears.
February 14th she has her scan. And once that scan is complete we know at any moment her nurse could call and give us some crappy news. The 18th she meets with her oncologist so we are guaranteed to know something by then.
Maybe chemo has started working. Maybe it hasn’t. Maybe the next drug they try will slow or destroy the cancer. There are a lot of maybes. But there is one thing I KNOW for sure…regardless of the news we receive we will deal with it how we always have with tears, humor and with love and support from the people around us.