I should be walking into work right now. But I’m not. I’m just sitting in my car. Today is her last day of chemo for this course. Today is my blood test and genetic counseling appointment. I know what to expect and honestly nothing is going to happen today. Except I give my family history, they’ll give me some odds and then I’ll get my blood taken. But honestly I have no desire to leave my car. The sun is shining and country music is playing. It’s quite lovely.

**UPDATE** I did get out of my car and go to work. And now I’m just sitting at my desk waiting.  Waiting to go to this appointment.  This is literally the simplest thing and I won’t even be getting results today and I don’t even have cancer.  But when I went to my mom’s genetic counseling appointment with her the gene was a hypothetical.  We THOUGHT she had it based on her age when diagnosed with breast cancer and the fact that she had breast and ovarian.  But we didn’t KNOW…we didn’t know which BRCA gene.  And now we know.  So now they can give me very specific statistics based on this gene.  And it’s weird and my appointment is at the Cancer Institute because that’s where they had an opening and I don’t have cancer and I feel super dramatic but the whole thing is weird and strange and odd and weird.

**UPDATE** Everyone at the Cancer Institute was incredibly kind. The receptionist that checked me in asked how are you? And she was incredibly sincere when she asked. It was such a comfort. The genetic counselor explained everything really well. I have a 50% chance of getting the BRCA2 gene. If I have the gene mutation screening and surgical options were discussed in order to reduce my risk of getting breast and/or ovarian cancer.  It made me feel a lot better knowing I could be proactive about my health and that I can take control in some sort of way. So it’s a flip of a coin and in two weeks I will know.

I’m sitting here at Au Bon Pain. Maroon 5 is playing over the speakers and I’m just in a daze. I thought I would feel different and I just feel weird. My mom has the BRCA2 mutation. I have looked up data on these mutations a million times over the past decade and she tells me this and my mind goes blank. My sister texts me asking what it means and I had to google it. I couldn’t remember other than its a mutation in BRCA2 and it increases the risk of breast and ovarian cancer as well as a few others. And now I’m just sitting here listening to music starring into space. I literally feel nothing. But I will say this if you’re going to get one of the BRCA genes this is the better one statistically soooo yay?!